Ever walked out, stopped a passing auto, innocently hoping to reach your destination on time in a hassle free manner, only to be looked at as though you were a space alien, with big round eyes n antennae sticking out of your head? What did I do…what did I do? I only said ‘meter ke hisaab se chalna’! beeeeeeeep…wrong instructions! You see, we are Bangalore city…and the strange little device you see peeking over the left hand corner of the driver’s chair…that is something devised to make mathematicians world over question their theory of distance and rates. To the unassuming, 7 rupees a km would mean exactly what it seems…1000 m traversed at the cost of 7 rupees…but for our mathematical and linguistic genius handling this 3 wheeler, it means ‘7 rupees or more for every km’! Fine line of distinction, you would say!
Ok…even if they were mathematically and linguistically challenged…you are still a space alien…coz now you see…you have a hearing disability…its not 15 rupees…its 50! Its not 50 rupees, its 50 rupees extra! Can’t you hear?! Don’t you know the rules woman!? Extra is not actual cost + abc…but actual cost = actual cost + abc…eh??????? See….I told you I was a dud at math! It doesn’t make sense to me…but apparently it makes a whole lot of sense to them coz they look at me in absolute defiance…as though I broke the code by asking for a fare by the meter.
It’s not just the fare that has a code. There is a whole rule book on who will drive you where. You see, it is a complex matrix of their names on one side, mapped against a database more massive than that maintained by the bureau in America. It has the address of each driver, his preferred driving routes, his leisure spots, nap time, meal time, haircut appointment dates, barber, preferred shopping destinations, preferred eating joints blah blah blah…and if you want a ride, you need to pledge to learn by heart this matrix and approach anyone asking for a ride that clashes with the above at your own risk! And in case any cell is blank in the matrix…don’t worry…it always means ‘No’!
So, to save you the stigma of being labeled as a lunatic and demanding commuter, I’m listing the basic rules here for your ease of reference …
- ‘Meter’ is taboo
- ’20 rupees extra hota’ means ‘I’m a reasonable man’
- Always re-route your plans to match that of his highness
- Change your destination if you have to, but never dare to ask them to change their mind, that’s against the code and could land you in jail!
- Do not disturb a group of chatting royals, they are currently plotting an increase in earnings, and you could end up being the guinea pig
- Take a hike…seriously…it’s good for health and cheaper!
Happy commuting!
Ok…even if they were mathematically and linguistically challenged…you are still a space alien…coz now you see…you have a hearing disability…its not 15 rupees…its 50! Its not 50 rupees, its 50 rupees extra! Can’t you hear?! Don’t you know the rules woman!? Extra is not actual cost + abc…but actual cost = actual cost + abc…eh??????? See….I told you I was a dud at math! It doesn’t make sense to me…but apparently it makes a whole lot of sense to them coz they look at me in absolute defiance…as though I broke the code by asking for a fare by the meter.
It’s not just the fare that has a code. There is a whole rule book on who will drive you where. You see, it is a complex matrix of their names on one side, mapped against a database more massive than that maintained by the bureau in America. It has the address of each driver, his preferred driving routes, his leisure spots, nap time, meal time, haircut appointment dates, barber, preferred shopping destinations, preferred eating joints blah blah blah…and if you want a ride, you need to pledge to learn by heart this matrix and approach anyone asking for a ride that clashes with the above at your own risk! And in case any cell is blank in the matrix…don’t worry…it always means ‘No’!
So, to save you the stigma of being labeled as a lunatic and demanding commuter, I’m listing the basic rules here for your ease of reference …
- ‘Meter’ is taboo
- ’20 rupees extra hota’ means ‘I’m a reasonable man’
- Always re-route your plans to match that of his highness
- Change your destination if you have to, but never dare to ask them to change their mind, that’s against the code and could land you in jail!
- Do not disturb a group of chatting royals, they are currently plotting an increase in earnings, and you could end up being the guinea pig
- Take a hike…seriously…it’s good for health and cheaper!
Happy commuting!
3 comments:
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!! specially "20 rupees extra hotaaa"...the auto-rick guys have become a nuisance..and we have no option but pay them whatever they charge..specially when its raining or u running late for work...or just not in a mood for another auto hunt.
Lovely... Too good...
They have become the biggest nuisance in the society; they have prepared there own rate charts which starts with a minimum charge of Rs.50 near my house.
Cheers!
look like u've had quite a few run ins with the law :)...How about visiting chennai and sampling autos here ? We do "better"...
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